Memoires of a Gamer

I took my first intoxicating whiff of videogames at the young age of six. Up until then, all I really knew about games was hearsay, and I'd only dabbled in bubble bobble once. I gamed socially but in moderation, and after a tough week of school, I'd break out some breakout just to relax.


This all changed on christmas day 1992, when I found myself desperately clawing my way into a small parcel. I tore back the paper, cracked open the box, and placed my nose in the groove of a brand new cartridge. I drew in the sweet silicone fumes and collapsed in ecstasy. This was the real deal, enough 'Blue Hedgehog' to kill a man.


Oh yeah, of course, It was a real roller coaster at the start, because everyone was doing it. People we're trading stories about it in broad daylight, taking the centre stage on lunch breaks to tell of their of hellish bottomless pits in a staggering metropolis, and hundred foot high robots that they swore blind were out to kill them. Things were simple, and for a long time, I was happy with Sonic on it's own, but the jealousy began to set in and I began to want so much more. Kids began making brash claims of driving ferrari's 'super duper' fast with beautiful women, telling of bloody fist fights and fatalities, and most interestingly about Blaze Fielding's red cocktails dress, and a unique method for ingesting apples.


I've been hooked on games ever since. Sure, I've had my sober times where the effects have worn off, and I've slammed the door in Sonic the Hedgehog's face, promising never to return time and time again, only to come crawling back to his promises, all while admiring what a simple life it would be with Mario and Mario alone. Come and go as they do in my life, games are what shape my existence.


I work for a game company, so they games were the focus of my entire education and extra curricular activities. Now that they're my full time job, they pay for my house, my food, my 4am amazon purchases. Not to forget MEGATELLY™ who I will discuss in future.

Up until last year, they were my driving license (points are so different in real life), and they're still pilot license, my License to Kill, and my Goldeneye. 

I owe to videogames my posture of Silent Hill creature, the colourful language of Duke Nukem, the short term memory of a Sega Saturn, hundreds, if not thousands of videogame similes, and most of all, the short term memory of a Sega Saturn.

E3 2008 was the best wingman I've ever had. He set me up on a date with a jaw-dropping American girl, bought us tickets to a concert and paid for all of our drinks. That was a real high.


Why does any of this matter to you lot, and why fuck should you read this blog? I mean, you're probably only reading this because I told you too anyway (Steve, Kate, Mom), and it's not like I'm writing anything you're missing out on on Kotaku, which you already check 8 - 10 times a day.


That said, I can't really give you a good reason, and to be honest, if there was anyone reading, I'd have to keep this up, which is a bit of a commitment really, and shit that I make up on the spot is often forgotten in conversation. I mean, what with wikipedia nowadays, I'll be brought to justice every time I say material instead of materia or by accident or something, so I'll leave it at this: If I do ever write another post, I'll be telling you some touching personal stories (not personal touching stories, this isn't Tumblr folks!) about my experiences with games, and I'll throw in my unique and frustrating angle on current games that you love just to get a rise out of you.


Or if it goes really badly, I'll just post a fuck tonne of cat pictures.