RESIDENT EVIL 2

When I was about 12 my dad had to work away a lot, darting all about the country in the week, and would only be home to play Mario Kart or Goldeneye or whatever was on our play list at the weekends. I was his most trusted gaming informant and would make sure to get N64 magazine hot of the press and give him a rundown of current gaming affairs every Friday.

In 1999, there was only one game I was excited for: Resident Evil 2. I’d said Resident Evil 2 so many times that year that the words didn’t make sense to me anymore. I didn’t care that I was 6 years too young for it, I’d played Resident Evil 1 at John Barnard’s house, and if it was ok for him to have it, it was good for me. Mom wasn’t impressed, but who cares, she was the bad guy, I knew Dad was game.

Every month I’d riffle through N64 magazine’s pages to the release date list. If it was May, RE2’s release date was May, then when it came to June, it said June, and so on. I would send my poor parents down town hourly to check if Game had Resident Evil 2, and every time, they would say game says its out next month. This went on for about 6 months. Then, in one issue of N64 magazine it read:

“THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON. HIP HIP HIP HOORAY. THE SUN HAS GOT HIS HAT ON, RESIDENT EVIL 2 ON N64 TODAY”

It was hardly fucking subtle, and pretty odd, but these words were written in huge bold caps in front of a field of sunflowers (which I hate more than Guybrush hates porcelain) in a full colour 2 Page ad. Mom, get on the phone to Game. It’s time.

“well spit it out woman, do they have it or not?” I said, or something to that effect while mom nervously enquired on the phone. Idiot kept calling asking if they had it for the Nintendo. The Nintendo’s a company not a console for fucks sake!

“They’ve got it, finally, but it’s out of stock” she said, and removed her self from the room. My heart sank and I turned to Dad. This was not to be the weekend where we blew zombies heads off.

So, like every Monday, he left for another exotic destination, Stoke it was this time, and my parting words were “check if they’ve got it in Stoke dad”. He smiled, and I knew I could trust him. With that, he was off.

Friday could not come soon enough. No amount of Pokemon card swapping, Tazo stacking, or Pog pinging could quench my thirst for the blood of the zombie scum of Raccoon City. I dashed home, burst through the door feet first, past Mom, to whom I payed no attention, let my school bag whip round me like a hula hoop to the floor, and was greeted to my Dads sorry eyes.

“Sorry mate, they didn’t have it”

All of the girls in my life rolled into one have never broken my heart as much as that sentence. I took a deep breath, understood that he’d tried his best and put on a brave face, because well, we’d still got some of the gold ratings on pilotwings to get.

I dragged my bag across the floor like Eyeore on a bad day and It thunked with misery against each of the stairs as I climbed up to my room.

My head was hung so low that I didn’t immediately work out why there was a roll of yellow and black warning tape on the floor outside my bedroom door.

But then, that was it, and I slowly began to look up.

My doorway was webbed with black and yellow warning tape from floor to ceiling like something out of a nightmare. In the centre of the was a tightly wrapped Game bag, and a massive note with huge crooked letters that simply read:

DO NOT ENTER - BEWARE – RESIDENT EVIL 2